Behind the veils of illusion, the wise men say, is Reality. Behind this veil, early 70s, I remember a young woman on a quest to know this reality, while posing as a model around the world. This time in London, in the studio of Hans Feurer. He had a small house and studio near Portobello road at that time, very white and modern. Hans was not easy for me to work with. At that time. Lately we have had a good heart connection and I`m curious to work with him again. In fact I would love to work with him again. And some of my veils have also fallen since then which will make a big difference.

foto: Hans Feurer

And now I´m longing to share something different than all the model photos so I will get on it very soon.

Christmas day. I always like to be on my own those big festive days, somehow not entering into the whole commercial hype of it. I like to rest and surrender into the heart. Surrender in  the Golden Heart is my deepest longing for Christmas. Looking beyond the religious ceremonies, seeing the pictures of Jesus with the shining heart, shining from inside out…open. It has always engaged my curiosity and been part of my study. I know  the capacity of the heart  and the extraordinary qualities of the heart, beyond my understanding and yet part of my knowing. This day I surrender all my  activity to the stillness and gratitude of all the gifts that I have received. Yesterday my daughter had prepared the most beautiful Christmas eve with candles, food and gifts. She gave beautiful gifts but also very much love and stillness this first Christmas without my dad, her grand father. And a gift from him. It is a miracle and a true gift to be here.  Alive and well. One of my grandchildren gave me, so proud of it, a card he had drawn and written himself, 5 years old. The other a candle he had made himself. Beautiful gifts of appreciation. The gratitude of being here, together. Alive and well.

I choose this picture by Sarah Moon, late 60s, of mother and child resting in the heart together to illustrate  this Christmas filled with so much beauty.

Now I´m back in town after 14 delicious days in the countryside of Järna, where I was staying in a wonderful hotel. I will share my pictures from there very soon but right now I do another model story.

This one is also for Harpers Bazaar and the photographer is Bill King again. He was wild and he wanted me to jump and do all kinds of things with my body. For a picture like this i did about 50 jumps…until I couldn`t handle it any longer…and then some more.

photo: Bill King for Harpers Bazaar

A standing position like this may look easy but try it yourself, with clothes on, and keep the position for 15 min…at least ( the time to arrange the clothes, hair, camera etc.) Then change into another position that stretches the body to it`s limits and stay another 15 min. A good yoga pass…or something like it. It helped to have the mind in a mindful space and place, often in nature somewhere, like looking into sunshine on water or a green forest glade, or traveling to space beyond time…how about that as a life with no drugs? My spiritual journey had begun much earlier, as a small child I had my first awareness about it, and the time as a model took me to places and spaces that deepened my understanding. It was my path and is my path, the bridge between the body and the soul and more…

The weave between then and now continues…still in the silent snow landscape playing in the snow and in my hotel room resting. In this reality time preparations are being made for my fathers funeral. That is my very private story. So I`m grateful to the old photos that can tell another story from another time at this moment…and that they can exist together at the same time.

Very early 70s for Harpers Bazaar with Bill King and I did the make up myself again. I lived a double life in the sense that I really loved using my face as a canvas to paint on and as soon as the job was done I took my make up off and never wore any in private, not even for parties. Here I played with creamy gold and white, gold on eyebrows, gold on eyelids and gold on eye lashes. First I put normal waterproof mascara on the lashes to create a base and then the creamy gold on top. The skin was with a light base and then shades and highlights. The editors were amazed by my make up, they really liked it and even though there was a makeup artist there at that time, they let me do my own and Bill KIng wanted me to do it as well. Every time I mention him I wish he was still here. We had such a good time together. Now it`s good night time for me. Today was Sankta Lucia here. Bringing the light. Light into the darkness. No light without the dark. Good night.

Every shoot you have a chance to bring your own influence to. As I did here in the story for Harpers Bazaar early seventies. The hood on the head and the brooch was my idea. They wanted it a completely different way, on the dress. I took it in my hand and felt as if I was holding a real star in my hand and that i was the vast night sky in the center of the Galaxy. So there you go…fashion is not just fashion. I also did the make up here, working with lines and highlights. I was a perfectionist when it came to make-up, the base and the shadows. Painting my face was like painting a portrait, which it also was of course. I liked this star! The dreams it inspired me to. The journey through the Universe. I like the star journey more than my look here actually…

photo: Bill King

Min dotter heter Daga. Hon är en vuxen kvinna men kommer alltid att vara min dotter och jag kommer alltid att minnas då hon föddes. Det är en del av kärleken. Först växer ett litet frö till en liten människa sen växer kärleken till den människan vidare i hjärtat och det tar aldrig slut. Ibland får min dotter och jag en chans att göra ett modejobb tillsammans, som vi gjorde här för Tintinstyle bland kristallkronorna på Berns.

foto. Jennifer Henriksson

Sitter vid brasan inne på Kulturhuset i Järna och jobbar lite. Snöstormen har ställt till kaos överallt idag… här är det bara lugnt och vackert. Jag har pulsat i snö upp till knäna, kramat snöbollar med bara händerna, känt kylan och värmen och bara dansat runt och skrattat. Är jag galen? Absolut! Totalt vild och galet tacksam för livet. Att jag har en kropp! Att jag lever! Och just nu känner jag för att dela lite glamour från 70-talet

foto: Bill King

Dom här bilderna har Bill King tagit för Harpers Bazaar i N.Y. sent 60-tal eller tidigt 70-tal. Gud, vad jag saknar Bill nu när jag ser bilderna! Tänk om han kunde vara just här nu, så härligt vi skulle kunna prata med varandra om allt möjligt, dåtid och nutid. Då ÄLSKADE jag dom här kläderna! Med Bill var det antingen lugnt, som här och jag kunde röra mig subtilt och jobba mycket med händerna. De var ett viktigt verktyg att uttrycka mig med då. Händerna talade ett speciellt språk med mycket känsla. Jag gjorde också makeup själv, för det mesta. Som här. Jag var extremt noga med att bygga grunden och sen jobba utifrån ansiktsformen med skuggor, fördjupa på vissa ställen och lyfta fram med ljus på andra. Ögon locken var en riktig konst att skulptera. Highlight inne vid ögonvrån och en dot mitt på ögonlocket lyfte fram ögonen. Det vore roligt att göra lite sminkjobb nu och se om kunskapen sitter i. Nuförtiden sitter jag annars bara ner i sminkstolen och blundar medan sminkösen gör sitt. Nu kallar snön och mörkret till en kvällsvandring.

Då jag bodde i Paris pendlade jag ofta över till London och jobbade där, mest för engelska Vogue men även för Nova och Harpers Queen, dom tidningar som var störst just då. Jag vet inte varför det var just så men det var dom som bokade mig och jag tror att det var så att jag var en del av en ny era modeller då, mer naturliga, inte så tillgängliga, lite mer som 70 talet var…the dawning of the age of aquarius (Hair). Early hippies! Mystik och andlighet skulle komma till ytan och bli accepterat som en del av livet.

Det här jobbet med Terence Donovan, som jag tror var för Vogue, tyckte jag speciellt om för han var helt med på att jag inte behövde posera och ändra ställning hela tiden framför kameran, utan bara vara närvarande, vilket innebar att få tid att vara i ett meditativt tillstånd. Jag minns så väl den känslan i just den här bilden. Inte kläderna, inte allt runt omkring men den djupa närvaron. Hela dagen var ganska magisk. Vi var på Hampstead Heath, rådjur och kaniner passerade. Det fanns ett lugn…undrar om något av det går att se på bilden? Eller om upplevelsen bara var i mig…

Life is what happens to you while you`re busy making other plans…( John Lennon) This is how it is in my life right now. The plan was to go and stay in Järna, a small place 1 hour south of Stockholm, bag already packed with sporty clothes, books and a lot of writing material to catch up with, visions of taking good care of myself with sleep, organically grown todd and long walks…in silence. That was the plan. While my carpenter friend was going to build a super platform in my flat. What happened is my dad in the emergency ward and he is not well at all. It has been 8 years of caring for and loving him since he had a stroke. 8 very different years. 8 years of growing up into not not just my will but what life wills. And now here I am, late at night , in the hospital listening to my fathers breath. Breath by breath. For how long still…

Grateful to this day of soft white snow

soft comforting snow

Breath by breath during the night until the early morning and then no more breath. He has left his body temple now. The body. So clearly a cloth, a garment of extremely unique beauty and perfection, like no dress in the world can compete with. The body. I miss his presence in the body. That is gone. The Love is still here and will always be. The Heart will never die. Deep love and gratitude to my dad, my family and all my friends who have been with me on this very special journey. On this first day of snow. Everything is covered in white soft snow. Temporary reality. Love and love in all it`s forms.

Under the soft white there is still green life

Min pappa finns inte längre. Kärleken till honom i mitt hjärta är enorm. Tacksamheten är enorm. Med varje minne som dyker upp blir tacksamheten större och verkligare. Saknaden är enorm. Just nu har jag inte fler ord…  en vacker snöfylld dag väntar utanför på att omfamna mig.