Trees heavy with white snow outside my window. Soft snowflakes falling. It is beautiful in a true sense of Beauty, all the different aspects of beauty, all the different forms of beauty that nature gives to us endlessly, from moment to moment. In my left hand I`m holding a white cloth pressed against my left nostril where red blood is pouring out. I know that I`m alive and I love it. A day like this would be nice to stay in bed, rest, recover energy and just let time go by, watching moment to moment from the peace within.
In past time, -68 for Harpers Bazaar with Bill King, time stood still for a moment, gazing into the camera holding golden time. I knew my life was precious even then but I did not know how to fully trust it and give it out from within. It was more like a hidden pearl within the heart. I was extremely shy…AND…I loved my life. I remember jumping around in the snow in Central Park together with Gerald Malaga, poet and part of the Andy Warhol gang that I hung out with from time to time. Then we would go ice skating at the skate rink in the park. It was great fun! With him I could be myself, young, shy and playful. Now my nose stopped bleeding and it`s time for me to go out, into the snow, into my day.
I surrender to the fact that my hard disc is so full I can not enter any new photos I have taken from the ELLE gala or any other stories. so I give you just another Harpers Bazaar photo for now:
Photographer Bill King and year 67 maybe. I look like a russian doll. Make-up done by me again. We talked about this back-stage at ELLE, with some models who said they like to do their own again today. Maybe a new trend coming up. It would not take away the job from make-up artists but add some other dimensions and styles. Why not!
First blog of the year. First cover on Bazaar! The story; as I stayed on in Paris when I was first discovered as a model I was living in a small guest room of a photographer by the name Herve Nabon, who was also the first one to take pictures of me. He actually took me with him from the agency when I was brought there the first time to meet them and did a job with me. That job continued for about a week, my swedish boyfriend returned to Sweden and I stayed in Paris…Herve had a lot of upperclass friends whom he introduced me to. We became a group of friends and I opened up my whole body senses to learning french since I was very eager to understand what they were talking about and to be able to participate. It took 3 months during which time I was brave and and threw back out every word that I had heard. It was a lot of fun. Going in sports cars to parents country castles, mostly in Normandie, making food together, going for long walks…sharing sweet time together. I had my boyfriend in Sweden and was faithful to him…for a long time…although I met many temptations…none of them were capturing me. The friendships were great. And the adjustment to being in a totally new life experience. There were no drugs with these friends, just good old french wine and good french food. I started eating meat then, trying everything…from having lived as a vegetarian since a long long time. I would say since childhood, but that would be a lie, in my family there was meat as well as vegetables, I just choose and loved the veggies more. All this story to say what a good start I had in France, how safe I felt and how working as a model just took off by itself, weaving in with friendships, new culture and nature. I`m a tracker by nature so I was tracking in Paris and in the countryside, on my trips to other places and everywhere. Tracking among people, sensing, finding out where they came from and what they had in common deep within. It all came very naturally as if the plan had been laid out for me, my specific life plan. And my deep interest was who we are deep within. That was always with me. And I also felt very lonely at times. It was always nature that helped me to connect back to source when I did not understand or like life of humanity…I had so many questions and so few answers from those around me. Fun yes, sweetness yes, friendship yes…but not the answers to my quest right then. The answers came bit by bit in the weave of all the experiences together. I was grateful…and I was lonely in society but happy in nature, that`s where I could fully relax and be seen as the one I am.
So that`s where I was when this happened. This cover on Bazaar was a total surprise to me. The collections were happening in Paris and every photo shoot was done at night, after the shows. It was all so extremely secret. No picture, not a word had to reach out until the next season, 6 months later, when the clothes were for sale in the shops. That is how it was then. to keep the secret and so no one could copy the latest fashion. One of these nights I was asked by my agency to go and see this photographer, Bill King, in a studio where he was shooting the collections for Harpers Bazaar. It was a big hype about me being called to see him. I was just a girl in Paris, honestly, I had no idea what it was all about or who was who and what…I just showed up and this photographer looked at me, then talked with the editors and stylists and hair team and suddenly I was sitting in a chair getting my hair done into this amazing hairdo with all pieces in and I was made up and dressed and then in front of the camera for what they said, a test shoot. It took some time and Bill told me how to pose and what to do. It was different than anything I had done before…of course…but I mean this was another level. It was far more serious and super professional somehow. After the picture was done they thanked me and I walked away. A new dimension of experience richer. Nothing was ever mentioned about this test picture until I was booked for a job in New York for Harpers Bazaar about 2-3 months later and went on my first trip to the US, there I was told the first day in the studio, that the test was chosen to be a cover that would come out within a few days. What happened before they told me is that I came into the studio wearing a long white woolen dress and no make up and they were chocked. They did not recognize the model on the picture and had to send for a raw print to show everyone what I could look like. The photographer knew since he was the same. Bill King. Working and being in NY was a totally different experience, this was tuff, they had completely different demands and were extremely professional in a way I had not known before. This was not Paris anymore. No good friendships. A lot of competition among others. I never understood this. Eventually NY turned out good as well in a different way but I was much more vulnerable there and more lonely. It was interesting though. Friendships happened slowly and walking across Brooklyn bridge at 2 in the morning, to eat an early meal in china town after and then go home with Donna Mitchell and her man Aaron Rose and listen to Carmina Burana with great sound system until 5 in the morning was great. All memories. What a memory journey I have made following my writing of this where it has taken me. Thank you to those who share it with me. And in all this SO MUCH GRATITUDE! This life could not have been planned. I could not have controlled that my life would contain these stories and multitude of experiences. It was all given to me…and so much more. So immensely much more beyond my fantasies or understanding. And all of this to maybe, hopefully, capture a little glimpse, a little taste of the immensity of all that life is about. A taste of reality. I am so hungry for more. I want to know the REAL.
Behind the veils of illusion, the wise men say, is Reality. Behind this veil, early 70s, I remember a young woman on a quest to know this reality, while posing as a model around the world. This time in London, in the studio of Hans Feurer. He had a small house and studio near Portobello road at that time, very white and modern. Hans was not easy for me to work with. At that time. Lately we have had a good heart connection and I`m curious to work with him again. In fact I would love to work with him again. And some of my veils have also fallen since then which will make a big difference.
foto: Hans Feurer
And now I´m longing to share something different than all the model photos so I will get on it very soon.
Christmas day. I always like to be on my own those big festive days, somehow not entering into the whole commercial hype of it. I like to rest and surrender into the heart. Surrender in the Golden Heart is my deepest longing for Christmas. Looking beyond the religious ceremonies, seeing the pictures of Jesus with the shining heart, shining from inside out…open. It has always engaged my curiosity and been part of my study. I know the capacity of the heart and the extraordinary qualities of the heart, beyond my understanding and yet part of my knowing. This day I surrender all my activity to the stillness and gratitude of all the gifts that I have received. Yesterday my daughter had prepared the most beautiful Christmas eve with candles, food and gifts. She gave beautiful gifts but also very much love and stillness this first Christmas without my dad, her grand father. And a gift from him. It is a miracle and a true gift to be here. Alive and well. One of my grandchildren gave me, so proud of it, a card he had drawn and written himself, 5 years old. The other a candle he had made himself. Beautiful gifts of appreciation. The gratitude of being here, together. Alive and well.
I choose this picture by Sarah Moon, late 60s, of mother and child resting in the heart together to illustrate this Christmas filled with so much beauty.
Now I´m back in town after 14 delicious days in the countryside of Järna, where I was staying in a wonderful hotel. I will share my pictures from there very soon but right now I do another model story.
This one is also for Harpers Bazaar and the photographer is Bill King again. He was wild and he wanted me to jump and do all kinds of things with my body. For a picture like this i did about 50 jumps…until I couldn`t handle it any longer…and then some more.
photo: Bill King for Harpers Bazaar
A standing position like this may look easy but try it yourself, with clothes on, and keep the position for 15 min…at least ( the time to arrange the clothes, hair, camera etc.) Then change into another position that stretches the body to it`s limits and stay another 15 min. A good yoga pass…or something like it. It helped to have the mind in a mindful space and place, often in nature somewhere, like looking into sunshine on water or a green forest glade, or traveling to space beyond time…how about that as a life with no drugs? My spiritual journey had begun much earlier, as a small child I had my first awareness about it, and the time as a model took me to places and spaces that deepened my understanding. It was my path and is my path, the bridge between the body and the soul and more…
The weave between then and now continues…still in the silent snow landscape playing in the snow and in my hotel room resting. In this reality time preparations are being made for my fathers funeral. That is my very private story. So I`m grateful to the old photos that can tell another story from another time at this moment…and that they can exist together at the same time.
Very early 70s for Harpers Bazaar with Bill King and I did the make up myself again. I lived a double life in the sense that I really loved using my face as a canvas to paint on and as soon as the job was done I took my make up off and never wore any in private, not even for parties. Here I played with creamy gold and white, gold on eyebrows, gold on eyelids and gold on eye lashes. First I put normal waterproof mascara on the lashes to create a base and then the creamy gold on top. The skin was with a light base and then shades and highlights. The editors were amazed by my make up, they really liked it and even though there was a makeup artist there at that time, they let me do my own and Bill KIng wanted me to do it as well. Every time I mention him I wish he was still here. We had such a good time together. Now it`s good night time for me. Today was Sankta Lucia here. Bringing the light. Light into the darkness. No light without the dark. Good night.
Every shoot you have a chance to bring your own influence to. As I did here in the story for Harpers Bazaar early seventies. The hood on the head and the brooch was my idea. They wanted it a completely different way, on the dress. I took it in my hand and felt as if I was holding a real star in my hand and that i was the vast night sky in the center of the Galaxy. So there you go…fashion is not just fashion. I also did the make up here, working with lines and highlights. I was a perfectionist when it came to make-up, the base and the shadows. Painting my face was like painting a portrait, which it also was of course. I liked this star! The dreams it inspired me to. The journey through the Universe. I like the star journey more than my look here actually…
photo: Bill King
Min dotter heter Daga. Hon är en vuxen kvinna men kommer alltid att vara min dotter och jag kommer alltid att minnas då hon föddes. Det är en del av kärleken. Först växer ett litet frö till en liten människa sen växer kärleken till den människan vidare i hjärtat och det tar aldrig slut. Ibland får min dotter och jag en chans att göra ett modejobb tillsammans, som vi gjorde här för Tintinstyle bland kristallkronorna på Berns.
foto. Jennifer Henriksson
Sitter vid brasan inne på Kulturhuset i Järna och jobbar lite. Snöstormen har ställt till kaos överallt idag… här är det bara lugnt och vackert. Jag har pulsat i snö upp till knäna, kramat snöbollar med bara händerna, känt kylan och värmen och bara dansat runt och skrattat. Är jag galen? Absolut! Totalt vild och galet tacksam för livet. Att jag har en kropp! Att jag lever! Och just nu känner jag för att dela lite glamour från 70-talet
foto: Bill King
Dom här bilderna har Bill King tagit för Harpers Bazaar i N.Y. sent 60-tal eller tidigt 70-tal. Gud, vad jag saknar Bill nu när jag ser bilderna! Tänk om han kunde vara just här nu, så härligt vi skulle kunna prata med varandra om allt möjligt, dåtid och nutid. Då ÄLSKADE jag dom här kläderna! Med Bill var det antingen lugnt, som här och jag kunde röra mig subtilt och jobba mycket med händerna. De var ett viktigt verktyg att uttrycka mig med då. Händerna talade ett speciellt språk med mycket känsla. Jag gjorde också makeup själv, för det mesta. Som här. Jag var extremt noga med att bygga grunden och sen jobba utifrån ansiktsformen med skuggor, fördjupa på vissa ställen och lyfta fram med ljus på andra. Ögon locken var en riktig konst att skulptera. Highlight inne vid ögonvrån och en dot mitt på ögonlocket lyfte fram ögonen. Det vore roligt att göra lite sminkjobb nu och se om kunskapen sitter i. Nuförtiden sitter jag annars bara ner i sminkstolen och blundar medan sminkösen gör sitt. Nu kallar snön och mörkret till en kvällsvandring.